Frequently Asked Questions
You are learning a new way of relating to experiences. This can be beneficial in pretty much any situation involving emotions.
I have personally gotten much help in the following areas:
– Anxiety which I used to have a lot before learning these tools
– Relationships and feeling more connected with other people
– Addictive behaviours
– Relief for physical pain and nearly complete relief from pollen allergy symptoms
– The ability to effortlessly be much more aware and present in whatever I am doing
– Having a sense of freedom and generally enjoying life
No. My services are not a form of therapy and they are not a substitute for therapy. I am not a therapist or a health-care professional and I do not offer any medical advice.
The services are intended for healthy adults who do not have mental illnesses or severe addictions. These situations require specialized care by a health-care professional.
In less severe cases my services can be used alongside conventional therapy – not as a substitute but as supplementary tools. The services should be regarded as a form of emotional support which empowers the client to find new ways of relating to thoughts and emotions, consulting with a health-care professional as necessary.
You will learn cognitive tools that will help you to experience thoughts and difficult emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them. The same principle can then be used for body sensations and even pain.
I will teach you these skills, but there is also a different type of learning at play. In addition to telling you how the tools work, I can also show you what they do. This is just as important as learning the tools.
I don't actively teach this aspect in any way. I am simply a person who has sat with his emotions sufficiently to no longer have to be afraid of them. This enables me to be there with you, as you are learning to sit with yours. During the session you are not alone with your emotions. I am there with you.
This might sound like a small thing. It's huge. I would have never had the courage to allow my own deeper emotions to be experienced without the help of people who had done this before me and showed me how to do it.
There is something magical that happens when you and all your emotions are accepted unconditionally. Seeing someone else accept our deepest emotions and being completely unfazed by them can be a profound experience. When you allow your emotions to come up and notice the other person having nothing but compassion for you, this experience changes you. You start to naturally emulate this behaviour and become more compassionate towards yourself without even trying. And you also become more compassionate towards others.
A client of mine recently expressed this beautifully when he described his own experience: "Resting brings you back to innocence."
Yes, learning the tools is absolutely essential. Learning to be compassionate towards ourselves is equally important. You can't learn that from books or videos. This part of the process is about connection between two or more people.
Having a chance to be there for someone in this way as a facilitator is very rewarding. I am looking forward to meeting you and being with you.
All sessions are fully confidential. In addition, the client has the option of only sharing as much or as little as he/she feels comfortable at any given moment.
It is not necessary for the client to reveal any personal information during a session. To illustrate this, please consider the following.
Let's say that during a session an old memory comes up. Instead of telling the facilitator anything about this memory, the client can simply say "I am noticing an image". This is enough for the facilitator to continue facilitating the session.
The content of the images is important for the client. It is not, however, necessary for the facilitator to know what it is. Therefore, it is completely up to the client to decide how much he/she wants to share.
Most clients prefer to talk about the words, images and body sensations that come up during a session, but sharing these is completely optional.
If you do decide to share, the facilitator might be able to provide additional questions to help you find even more connections and associations. For this reason, sharing can be helpful. Just remember that you do not need to do this if you feel at all uncomfortable sharing.
Yes. There are potential adverse effects when practicing Mindfulness. These are not talked about nearly as much as the plentiful benefits. This is unfortunate, because acknowledging the possible adverse effects goes a long way towards avoiding them.
As The Kiloby Inquiries are based on Mindfulness, the same precautions apply. Any competent facilitator will make sure there will be no adverse effects during a session. There is, however, more concern when clients use these tools on their own between the sessions.
For a small subset of people, practicing Mindfulness has a tendency to exacerbate anxiety. If you are one of those people, stop doing it until you have figured out what you are doing wrong. When Mindfulness is practiced correctly, you will feel calm and safe the whole time, even if some association brings up disturbing images or memories from the past.
The idea that "it gets worse before it can get better" is simply NOT true when it comes to Mindfulness. Don't buy into that. Yes, there can be intense emotions. One might cry, shake or even want to scream or feel like throwing up. If these emotions and sensations are experienced from a calm and safe place, they are alright. As long as you stay grounded in present moment awareness, you will feel calm and safe even while these emotions wash through your body.
If, on the other hand, something disturbing comes up and you become anxious and start to feel unsafe, it is time to stop. Open your eyes, notice where you are and that you are currently safe. There is no pressure to look at these particular memories. If you do wish to look at them, I suggest doing it with a facilitator or a therapist.
Mindfulness has two aspects to it: awareness and non-judgmental acceptance. If you are keenly aware of your anxiety without the corresponding attitude of acceptance, this can do more harm than good.
It is a simple rule: if it feels bad, don't do it.
If you feel at all uncomfortable or unsafe, for whatever reason, you should let the facilitator know. We are generally very good at reading body language, but we are not mind readers. If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, let us know.
If you use the tools outside the sessions, you must take responsibility for how you use them. If they make you feel anxious, don't use them until you have had a chance to learn what you are doing wrong.
When you get to experience how gentle this approach is, you might wonder why I am even bringing this up. There are two reasons for this.
First, I have been in situations myself where Mindfulness was taught in a way which didn't feel safe and made me more confused. This has made me cautious.
Second, Mindfulness actually works better, when you take responsibility for your own wellbeing and trust your own experience no matter what a teacher or anyone else might say.
The price of a single private session is 100 € (includes 24% VAT).
Each session is up to 90 minutes.
Yes, these are online sessions.
You will get a Zoom link when you book your session using the Booking Calendar. The link will also be emailed to you along with the booking confirmation.
If for any reason you can't use Zoom or prefer another platform, we can use Skype, FaceTime, Messenger, Hangout, or whatever app you are comfortable with.
It is recommended to have a video call instead of only audio. This makes it easier for me to facilitate the session.